~Proceed with Compassion~

Divine Timing

I’ve misused the phrase,
Bastardized it. 
Misunderstood it from the start. 
That we are here now, 
a billion years in the making. 
Cosmic dust, oxygen, iron formed into these bodies. 
That they met. That they meet. 
Again and again. 
Of all the gin joints …
How miraculous and yes, Divine. 
Yet we drop the ball, 
We miss the mark,
The shot not taken. 
The human timing overrules the Destiny. 
Clouded by ego. 
Frozen in Fear. 
Full of self-Doubt. 
Short-sighted plans take precedence. 
How fucking mundane,
to get in the way of a thing magical,
Eons in the making. 
I beg of you. 
Wake up to this beating heart. 
We are more alive than this!
Time me Divinely then,
Wind me like a weathered timepiece. 
Pull the buried chains in the belly 
of this grandmother clock. 
Co-create with God,
With me,
Not in opposition. 
In Union we live to our fullest potential. 
Not separate. 
Not alone. 
Not dutifully busy and well-appointed. 
No, we fulfill this human prophecy in messy, imperfect, 
Sweat-covered flesh. 
Crushed in salt from the air or our skin,
I cannot tell. 
In the moments of unabashed love,
We soar. 
You raise me to the Throne of the Heart,
Only when intertwined. 
Become Royal with me my star dust. 
Our ancestors of collapsed galaxies,
How long they have waited. 
God will honor our Court 
And bow to the true Divinity awakened in us. 

07/31/2025

Evening Mercy

It comes with the darkening night
As the sun slips beyond the Earth’s curve 
This shadow over my heart
Heaviness returns 
Always with the dark
A veil of emotion enshrouds me
Wrapped in inky crimson 
Waves of electricity take over my body 
Left with this beautiful skin
I can feel every inch
all of it, silk and sweat
Tiny lightening storms 
Flicker just under the surface
Bones of stillness beneath
Flashes of emotion
Memory
Twinges of pain
It isn’t always sadness
These waves
Desire darkens my door often 
Some nights deep sensuality
Writhing with pleasure’s memories
Lip gently between teeth
Skin breathing, expanding
Not alone but unaccompanied,
I’ve learned to love this dark maiden
Her twisted emotions and desires
Welcome her in each night 
I exist as two women
One emerges often unseen
To navigate life’s experience each night 
Powerful in her nocturnal processing
Lacking fear of judgement
She is truly free
Liberated in her wild emotions
Contemplation via unguarded tears 
And anger 
if that is the integration required
Let it be so 
A full body exhale
at last in solitude,
Every frequency of emotion welcomed. 

07/14/2025

The Love that Destroys

Ancient pain
Drawn to it
Ensnarled and entangled
Attached
Unable to let go, unwilling
Obsessed
This painful version of love
You murder me
Again and again
Tear me apart 
A recurring demand
How can I love you so much 
Your jagged edges and crooked heart
With great futility 
My attempts to smooth and straighten 
Melt under your fire 
You are unbending
Broken glass shards surround me
The wreckage of your romance
In the reflection I catch my own gaze
Looking back at myself 
It isn’t you, this storm
I look into my own destructive eyes
I am you
The broken heart
Seeking only the shattered
The familiarity of lovesick
The comfort is soft
I, the arbiter of my own pain
The jagged edges are mine
Perplexed in self-sabotage
I stand squarely at a crossroads 
On the tempting edge of the swirl 
Yet yearning for a new path.

7/10/2025

Nostalgia’s Deceit

Crave them I do 
These deliciously distracting feelings 
The heart-rushing, 
Daydreaming,
Peering off into space 
Memories that swell
The yearning 
Perpetually the little girl
Freshly fallen in love
Infatuated with infatuation 
In love with love
Always nostalgic for that which never existed 
It was only ever just the fall
Never the love
It isn’t you that I miss
It’s my own poor judgment 
And penchant for drama
Let me warn you,
The full heart drama of the break,
I love it just as much 
A broken heart is a big heart in love
It’s all twisted and knotted
Enmeshed and warped
Don’t ask me for balanced love
I’ll never love you back,
Only the memories. 
Their black magic released when you’re finally gone. 

6/30/2025

Sister

The sky is grey 
Swollen clouds weep
Raindrops stream the window pane 
Seemingly at the same rate as my tears
Water. 
Salt water. 
Leaving you hurts 
Miles grow as this plane embarks
Carrying me ‘home’ 
Flight increasing distance 
There is only pain because there is so much love 
Thankful for this heart that holds paradox 
Concurrently, of love and the emptiness left in your place 
I miss you when we are separate 
Yet you are in my DNA. 
Shared cellular composition 
Not a single being is as close as us
You are in my heart
In every heartbeat
Like no other being 
So this growing distance,
Mile by mile,
Across state lines,
Never separates us truly. 
Only for now.  

05/25/2025

Oh Naivety

Here I am,
blasted open.
In ways that I might never understand.
Love came into this life and it has fled as violently as it arrived. 
How peculiar, 
this experience of meeting a soul that rips your heart forth. 
How deliciously devastating it all can be. 
In the midst of tears and laughter all at once, this moment. 
A woman in awe. 
Feelings that my chest might cave into the vacuum created by your departure. 
Yet my skin is still vibrating from the inside with your intensity. 
The mind searches for the 'lesson', the takeaway. 
The analysis of actions done right or wrong. 
Fear you bastard, are you at play once again? 
None of that is real. The thinking parts. 
None of it matters. 
It happened to my heart. 
The only thing that is real. 
This storm of oxytocin and dopamine, rushing. 
Energy so powerful my body ignites in colors.
Left now with the aftershocks,
the aftermath of human action. 
One towards love, and another towards abandon. 
And here we are separate yet surely thinking of one another. 
Heart swollen and seeping as my eyes. 
In it. 
I am in it. 
There is nowhere to go. 
Wait it out. 
and say thank you for the glorious ride.

06/12/2025

Reasonless Heart

No logic applies to falling in love
Yet we ponder the next move
Weigh the choices
Attempt to analyze
Determine compatibility
The realm of the thinking mind
Distracted. 
Flooded with vacillating daydreams
Reliving the moments of passion’s inception
Fantasizing future love
Threads of fear
Doubt.

Yet love’s patterns vibrate In sacred geometry
Obedient to cosmic rules 
The energy of creation 
The heart’s desires thrive
Outside the rules of reason
Yet She is not confused
She is home. 

Heartbeat hijacked
Skin alight and shimmering
I saw beauty today and wanted only to share it with you
Every moment altered with your presence
Even in your absence
Not one thought without you
You inside me
This isn’t rational!
Don’t speak to me of logic
I have been overtaken by love
Completely swept
into a whirlwind of you
Mind, body and spirit
Dizzy, fluttering
Delicious entanglement I cannot resist
I would not miss this
Breathe more life into me
Fill me
Lift me up. 

05/23/2025

Light Retrogrades

Hope has returned. 
As last time, its voyage came slowly. 
The light sliver through a pinhole down of an abysmal hall of darkness. 
Yet it grew, as Hope does, to a bright warmth. 
Vibrating the color yellow. 
Soft as a Canary’s breast,
The Sun now emanates from deep within my heart. 
My body enveloped,
Wrapped in a saffron kaleidoscope. 
The paradox as surprising as ever.
The dark side of the glow
And the bright side of death are a whisper apart. 
In the midst of either infidelity one can barely remember the other. It’s twin partner. 
The other side of its own coin. 
Seeming so distant. 
Hope & hopelessness. 
And yet the tiny tremor starts to tremble a cold heart.
A fearful mind eases. 
Remembrance comes and the memory of past awakenings inspires the wretched. 
Shrouds of doubt replaced with Belief. 
In my minds eye I walk to the edge and the sun does in fact touch my face. 
Rising. 
Another night is over. 
A wave of depression. 
A winter season of the soul. 
My heart expands through my skin.  
As the observer I genuflect towards Life with awe. 
Ever humbled. 
Here. For a bit longer. 

02/25/2025

Whole Heart Theft

Speak about death. 
Say the words I don’t normally say. 
Poison black ink in the center of my cells,
You live in every one. 
Let me give them form,
These words of grief. 
Rape of existence. 
You have a right to be here,
Sickness of loss. 
Unimaginable heartache.  
I have starved myself this experience.
Denial serves me no longer. 
It is real, let me validate the suffering.
You have earned your seat at the table of my life,
Ripped your way through.
Uninvited as you are. 
Come now,
Surface yourself. 
Gnawing pain that won't cease till my own death,
Let us commune. 
Shall I break bread with you?
My internal transient,
Sleeping in the alleyways of memory,
Hitchhiking on my innermost thoughts. 
Let’s say the thing out loud:
You fucking stole from me. 
I hate your stealth and conviction. 
Permanence has never been so real. 
Never again. 
Over. 
Cannot turn back. 
Desperately, deeply, violently pleading for resurrection. 
Nothing has ever been the same again. 
Prepare yourself to be forever changed. 
I missed the memo. 
That phone call seared in my mind. 
The sweetest angel, she rang. 
“He’s gone”, she said. 
“But, wait, it was suicide” 
And there my own end began. 

12/17/2025

Fall In

Walk me to that soft ledge, 
where I might fall entirely into myself. 
Tumbling deep in introspection. 
The dark tunnel of inner being. 
Quiet safety in secrecy. 
How I love the inside of this beating heart,
The conical pump, crimson wisdom. 
The truest knowing. 
The gentlest whisper. 
Meditate myself back home.
Fall in. 
With each Heartbeat and breath in unison, 
the vitriol,
the broken mind, 
wash away. 
Chaos of the external world, 
melts. 
Threads of Light connect
Heart to Throne. 
A gift of paradox. 
Come home to the heart,
Sit in expansive silence,
Be unaffraid,
and graced with Eternal Union. 

12/05/2024

Weather of The Heart

Trapped in falsehood.
The untruth pierces me,
That present day emotions
Will remain,
Hold steady,
Or be predictable in any form.
I get stuck.
Freedom I eagerly seek
Tethered to an unpredictable internal state.
There's no lack of solid ground.
Deep roots are planted,
Growing ever deeper, into rich soil.
Heartache of growth has grown these new shoots.
They are sturdy now.
Yet it is the swirling I seek endlessly to cease.
To expect the wind itself to stop its motion,
As if it could.
These ever-changing emotions will forever remain afloat,
To traverse the landscape of my heart.
My torture and entrapment wrest in the futility of the wish.
Banish the thought of linear.
Exorcise the hope of emotional continuity.
This is not your charge.
Surrender’s grace,
perpetually the answer.
As you live,
at this moment in your lifetime,
your emotions are not yours to own.
You belong to them.
Give in.
Lay down your fight.
Let the wildfire and hurricanes of experience have their way.
Seek harmony with this internal ecosystem.
Balance is not as you envisioned it.
Observe as only you can.

05/04/2025

Into The Expanse

Moments to be savored:
When the breath is not drawn. 
Effortless. 
It flows. 
Its own life force through the cavities of my skull
And expands the skin. 
Across the body. 
Eyes opening from the inside, 
Unfurling darkness. 
My tongue as delicate as petal flesh,
Resting weighty in my soft mouth. 
Rippling waves of electricity, the energetics of meditation are intoxicating. 
Sound dances in my closed eye vision. 
Don’t focus on the swirling images,
the trance will burst, 
let them roll over you. 
Across the mental landscape,
Wave vibrations float me away. 
Haunting melodies, 
Elixir of rhythm. 
Body and breath connect, 
Yet all at once Consciousness untangles itself from the field of flesh. 
These depths are endless yet fragile, 
Moments to be savored:
Fleeting flashes, milliseconds of sweet sublime.  
I am nowhere and I am everywhere. 

01/02/2025

Rebirth

Be still. 
Can you hear it?
Close your eyes and see with your ears
A fire crackling
The seedling splitting open
An ember in vast darkness finds oxygen 
Lightening across a summer’s sky
It is Hope kindled
An awakening is near
At first, a microscopic shift
The stench of death melts away
The shroud of despair
They slip from the shoulders to pool on the ground
The electricity of rebirth
A heart is born
To beat anew
Shift your gaze towards that ember 
The seed cracked open is alight inside 
A microcosm set ablaze
Hope grows in the reborn heart
Beaming in all directions
Through space and time
Tend to your fire of Hope
You are home
Ancient struggle gave way to expanding beauty
Breathe deep your new lungs
Hold in the palm of your existence this gift
A life has ended and new one begun.

11/27/2024

Evaporating Time

Caught between nostalgia and fantasy.
Hovering in the non-existence of reality,
the barely there of right now.
Nostalgia rich, dripping with memory and longing,
that selective remembrance of a perfect time.
No basis in fact.
Fueled by desire to have the thing now lost.
Craving for the past.
How gently irrational.
Yet how destructive.
One could lose an eternity of current moments in this untruth:
the white lie of how it was,
deceit to oneself, 
cryptic denial. 
Unless... 
Unless the promise of the future can bridge that gap.
One venomous facade meets the other. 
Falsity mirrors falsity.
Fantasy meets nostalgia.
And wont I gladly spend my days and nights starry-eyed on a pendulum,
gently swinging from one to the next,
then looping back inevitably to the past. 
To the shred of evidence, it will come back.
Restore itself.
Love will take its station again in this vacant place.
Yet every single miraculous moment here is lost.
Second by second, evaporated.
Without so much as a notion, 
No recognition.
The present experience starved of itself,
Starved by myself.
Irony is deep and relentless.
This is the only time.
No memory nor unpredictable future holds color, not real beauty.
There is no taste nor vibrancy.
The past and the future are empty.
They are not alive as this very breath.
Waste not another moment living in these shadows of the mind. 

11/06/2024

Between Mad Ravings

Ode to the peace keepers. 
A poem for the life-givers. 
Without you the silence is deafening. 
Inside the absence of sound, thoughts explode in my ears. 
Repetitive, circular, winding, linear. 
Everything at once yet lacking substance. 
Thin as a whisper and relentless. 
Organized and chaotic, 
they exist simultaneously. 
Internal movement of words, lyrics, phrases. 
Judgements.
Self-ridicule twists the blade. 
An obsession whose thirst is never quenched. 
Incomplete thought layers, punctured with complete thought outcrops. 
Overlapping as sine waves intersect. 

Incessant. 
Incessant. 
Incessant. 

Tip tip tip tip tip. 

Tic-tock. Tic-tock. Tic-tock. 

Somewhere in this flesh a heart beats,
It’s own rhythm softer. 
Toes trace concentric infinity shapes, infinitely. 

There is blinding loudness in this silence, in between the madness. 
The way darkness fills space between raindrops in night storms. 
If I don’t hear a sound other than my thoughts, I’ll go mad. 
Input from the external. Anything. 
Please flood my senses with soothing rhythms. 
Music rescue me from myself!
The symphony inside my mind is frenetic,
Cacophonous. 
Sway me gently with each note. 
Caress away the thoughts. 

In an instant the mind is cleared. 
Focused. 
Dozens of threads to follow, each note making love to its partner, leading me down a story. 
Weaving me into their path. 
Winding, I am swept away. 
I see with my ears again. 
Into the Raven black,
The darkness of my mind illuminated. 
Tiny muscles grasp at each whisper, those notes. 
The inner ear changes shape. 
A sudden deep inhale, and a sigh of relief.
My body unclenches. 
The grip released. 
The smatterings of chaos, that relentless beat,
It is transformed into an orchestra. 
I hear it all. All at once. 
Move me once more. 
Fill be beautifully, my suffering is weaning. 
I am inside a composer's memories.
Falling upward. 
I swear these lyric-less songs speak a language. 
I believe it is translated. 
My internal chaos & this beauty, together create a cipher. 
Borne out of necessity. 
They need one another. 
The silence needs the song. 
The song would be loveless without deafening silence. 
I do understand. 

No words. No more thoughts. 
Blissful mercy from the concert in my mind that yields no music. 
I will drift inside you. 
Fall into love with the grace you bring me. 

10/15/2024

Unfracture this Woman

This is coming out.  
My deepest parts.
To break down under hidden pressure set in motion who knows how long ago. 
Was the burnout the first domino or the last? 
A series of micro events over the course of a lifetime. 
Growing in depth and impact. 
Taking more and more effort. 
Causing deeper and deeper chasms inside me. 
A mental balancing act I was unaware of for so many years. 
So much of my life thus far,
99% of my existence. 
I was a person trapped inside a shell of efficiency, pleasantries, niceties 
Damaged perfection. 
An armor of protection. 
A set of acquired skills.  
A state of nonstop survival. 
Was I aware so long ago of the differences? 
Memories escape me. 
Division so ancient I cannot remember? 
Remember when it started. 
I weep at this amnesia. 
I cry for the forgotten awareness. 
To perceive deviances from normal there is a sense of self, 
A difference between me and them. 
At least I had that. 
A me to counter them. 
I have become them now, molded and shaped shifted. 
Hidden and masked. 
The differences murdered into submission.
But for so long never actually real. Just suffocated and tailored. 
The actual real and perfect me atrophied inside. 
Forced into dormancy. 
Punished internal dialogue. 
Managed and fixed. 
Changed and altered. 
Pushed down, far underwater. 
In hopes of drowning the little girl deep inside me.
To silence her any longer, will be the destruction of myself. 
All of me. 
The chain reaction is underway. 
Here I sit today, cracked open by burnout. 
Fried by a life of unattended needs. 
Malnourished.
Starved for nurturing. 
This person inside me has been screaming to be released. 
To be realized. 
To be unchained and allowed to just Be. 
In every way that is disallowed,
just let her Be!
She has not harmed anyone.
Yet harm has been done. 
Please let the war be over. 
Let this reveal, this coming out. 
Let it be the opening, the start. 
Unification at last. 
Where the woman you see is one with the oppressed inside me.
With all her imperfections, pain, fears and needs. 
Let her have needs! 
Let that be valid.
Just as she is:
Her and I, one.
In comes the fear of becoming who I am. 
Who am I?
Yet, I cannot endure the pain of fracture any longer. 
Frightening, and completely necessary. 
These years, these decades cannot be undone. 
Nor do I want that. 
Regret is unpalatable now. 
This soil is mine to harrow. 
To plant anew. 
So I must become one. 
The created me, she is here. 
Useful and beautiful, 
yet not sustainable on her own. 
The inner me needs her voice, to be heard. 
To be valid. 
I cannot abide a fractured woman any longer. 

10/12/2024

Forever Altered

When the light came back we knew it would change everything.
The trees changed shape, danced in the half light, as if giant dragons had descended on our mountain.
No longer could we trace car headlights, dramatic in their light play.
Black and white movies from another time and space.
The survival was toned down a single notch.
Just the gift of light, accompanied by a small sense of regret.
We longed for our new normal.
To navigate the dark once again.
To be the strong ones.
What is survival with no more need?
As a taste on the tongue for real life, the dark animal living, like a touch of a drug, we became addicted to the taste of survival.
What has this experience done to us....
We seek the dark.
We seek the paths across downed wires and road blocks.
My eyes will never gaze upon a single thing the same way again.

11/21/2017

Ink Pool

A darkness beckons. 
Safe.
No, familiar. 
“Jump in empty-handed” they say. 
Retreat in faith,
Surrender in fearlessness. 
All woven into one. 
As if the leap was predicted,
this blind step into the ink pool of self-reflection. 
Introspection in dark solitude. 
Wrapped in a galaxy of blackness. 
An alchemy of pain & love. 
Death & rebirth. 
Every experience has led to here. 
Always here. 
Each moment the pinnacle of life thus far. 
It is time to go inward. 
If not by choice then by force. 
Resistance gives birth to a thousands needles of fear. 
Be fearless 
Step off. 
Dive in. 
It is only you to be discovered. 

9/24/2024

Waves of Being

Freedom, this is what we crave, isn’t it? 
The unchained, unafraid. 
Is it not our birthright to expand and grow in love? 
Growth that distances us from fear,
envelopes us in Grace. 
Complex beings created, and evolved only to suffer? 
To cheat ourselves entirely of the experience. 
To suffer existence, suffer life. 
As if the trials are so much more than we can bear. 
As if the hills were not tailor-made for us, 
For our development and our growth. 
Made for us, so that we can come out a bit better than we came in. 
To rise slightly more tuned-in than yesterday.  
Maybe with a touch more gratitude. 
With a few seconds more patience on the tongue. 
A Divinely inspired reflection on the breath. 
A pause in the rush to nowhere. 
To wake tomorrow with true gratitude in my beating heart. 
Not just the list required of me for my own benefit. 
Maybe via the small devotions, 
I will live my way to a bigger heart. 
More open to life’s little inconveniences. 
Feel my way into the previously unsafe territory of vulnerability. 
Allow discomfort to dwell. 
Sit with moments of pain and even fear. 
I am still safe. 
Maybe I can wake and not bristle to the every day occurrences of a simple life. 
After these awakenings, 
maybe, 
one day I will wake into the freedom of just Being Human. 
In all this beautiful complex simplicity. 
The freedom that is innately with in my soul. 
The connection point between this Being and all of creation. 
Unchained at birth. 
These wrappings of fear are an illusion. 
Disconnection untrue. 
Weep, and the clouds merged with ocean stream down my cheek. 
We are united in our birthright of freedom. 
Grow the tendrils of faith, of love. 
They weave us, the cosmic fabric. 
We.
We are not alone. 
Shed the veils of fear. 
Come home. 
Be. Human. 
Together. 

8/7/2024

Exposed

You are right. 
You found me out. 
My worst fears have come true, 
You found my secret…
I am not perfect. 
All the unlovely, the disgusting parts of life, they are real and I have them too. 
I am just a human. 
Messy and emotional. 
Unbalanced and frightened. 
Unwell and unraveling. 
Aging. Graying. Growing old. 
Dying a bit every day. 
You found me out. 
All the degrees. The school. The careers. The money. The masks. 
It was all just so that nobody would discover, that I am just plain human. 
I am not tough. I am not even sure if I am brave. 
Just as plain, and weak as any other. 
I have fears. Jealousy. Questions. Doubts. Confusion. 
My mind contradicts itself. 
My heart never knows which way to turn. 
I doubt myself constantly. 
I can’t trust others. I haven’t seen many who I should. 
My pain is old. My evidence is stacked. 
My body recoils in retreat. 
I have no idea what I’m doing. 
I’ve never been less sure. 
Lost. 
I think I’m as lost as I ever was. 
Unsure if I am so dysfunctional that I cannot be loved. 
Unsure if it’s you or if it’s me. 
But you’ve found me out. 
And now you know. 
After a lifetime of trying to fool others, you finally found me out. 
I am as imperfect as they come. 

09/27/2024

Eclipse

How elegant the sun slides,
down the horizon into the water. 
As if on an axis the moon rises across the sky. 
Bright and full. 
Yellow and powerful. 
And everything in between,
We are the Graced ones. 
It might go unnoticed, 
This setting & rising. 
The space between amidst eclipsing bodies. 
Pause. 
Drink it in. 
Melt into this grandeur 
You are the fulcrum if you would only notice. 

09/24/2024

Returned Entanglement

To hold you again seems vast yet so intimate at the same time. 
These Parts have been reawakened. 
A Tiny excitement is cellular at first, 
Alice in every goosebump on my skin
Then the feeling grows and expands,
Traveling across my skin,
Moving through my heart,
Pumping through my body. 
You are familiar and you are back. 
All at once the energetics of falling upwards washes over me. 
Over us. 
A connection has been growing. 
A closeness has flourished between us, again. 
The distance smaller until there is no void in this moment. 
Tightly pressed onto you, 
I crave to be crushed under your weight. 
And then, with a last kiss,
You’re gone again already. 
And instantly I want more. 
I am stirred, tingled with our blended energy,
the awakened love, 
for so long asleep.  
In one heartbeat, returned. 

8/23/24

Spun

I’m tired. I been tired. Overwhelmed. Heart broken. 
Mind spun dry. 
Ease my pain. 
Pause the questions. 
Quit the reviewing. 
Where did the ground go?
Weren’t there roots?
I’ve lost which was was up. 
Stranger to my own cognition. 
Unfamiliar to who I am. 
A foreigner in my story. 
Travel along as we do, on a road that is not solitary, but there are moments when the steps must be taken alone. 
These are those moments. 
I’ll return one day, when I find out which parts of me are real. 

7/25/2024

The Stillness Behind Your Eyes

We sat under the rain of hot water,
Steam pushed out the air. 
A thousand water droplets between our bodies,
zero space between our hearts. 
Your eyes, unwavering, focused on mine. 
Your gaze, expansive, wrapped around me. 
There was no where else, 
No other, 
No outside. 
Only the boat of our bathtub, floating in this sea of steam. 
Was there sound?
The water rushed past us, a structured waterfall. 
Magnetism pulled me in, 
The stillness behind your eyes. 
Searching, 
Consuming my naked image in front of you. 
Devouring my form. 
I was a bystander to your feast. 
Willingly soaked, displayed for you. 
Floating. 
Tumbling. 
Still. 
You pulled me in. 

12/01/2023

Exploding Light

A blood red heart beats lightening, 
shooting up my spine, 
crawling across my neck in tingles. 
My eyes are on fire. 
Rhythm descends impulses in my soft belly. 
The pulse is everywhere. 
My body and mind are still as marble,
Yet my entirety ripples electricity. 
Every inch of skin a petal. 
There is no breeze. 
The air embraces me vibrating a caress. 
Where do I end and the atmosphere begin?
My heart strings expand in every direction and touch eternity. 
 
04/27/2023

Mud

My heart is like a mud puddle. 
Smooth and slick on the surface. 
As if a rock could slide into me,
to never been seen again. 
The observer has no clue what is in the depths. 
How deep does it go,
How many rocks have fallen in. 
It is quiet. 
Still, not without potential for movement,
 but still right now. 
Flat. Weighted by gravity. 
With a lack of concern for more or less rain;  more or less rocks. 
For the shape of whatever is holding me in; 
 the depth of whatever is under me. 
The definition doesn’t matter. 
The contents irrelevant. 
It is reasonable then that time also does not matter. 
Black and thick. Still. 
With only the vibrations of the earth, so subtle I barely feel them. 
Quiet, the little abyss simply exists. 

11/08/2023

Unprotected Darkness

Unbury my heart, find me in this grave of midnight soil. 
Roots grow like veins around the barely beating muscle. 
The hole was dug, the pit is deep. 
Unmarked burial of the forgotten. 
Unbury my heart. 
Dishonest is her desire to remain unfound. 
The dark cold is not her home, but a facade of safety. 
Unwrap the shroud and bring light in. 
You did it once before. 
The flutter of tenderness,
Electricity of desire,
Your love my protection. 
Bring the shovel & axe, free me from my own bondage. 
Light fire to the roots that enslave me, the vines of my fears. 
Dirt in my mouth, I choke down the soil of my protective dwelling. 
Annexed from feeling. 
Unearth my subterranean heart. 
The solution did not work. 
Burrowing did not stop the fear and it brought no more safety. 
Face with me the nightmares. 
Show me courage. 
Tell me I’m safe. 
Weave into me once more. 
This loneliness is deep. 
I’ve pushed all life away. 
I rest alive amongst the dead below ground. 
A heart entombed is no heart at all. 
She longs for her home, 
her true nature returned. 
I gasp for fresh air. 
I am covered in dirt. 
Find me again. 

02/06/2023

Ephemeral Cusp

We share these days, melt into nights. 
Locked in movement through constructing,
 bit by bit, a life together. 
Seasons woven:
Spring dew slipped from fresh petals. 
Summer heat clung to your skin, the breath heavy. 
The first whisper of coolness on those mornings, and the leaves released from their branches. 
As our home became full, warm and glowing, a furious winter descended upon us. 
Nestled in our small cave we now create, arrange, slumber, laugh and cry; 
Rise and construct more. 
Our lives intertwined, a sine wave of human experience, we ebb and flow together. 
Not precisely in unison, an imperfect rhythm overlapped, the melodic fingerprint of our existence.
An eternal reverb stitched onto a pin point, 
The place where our heart fires meet, 
The ephemeral cusp. 

12/25/2022

Empty Hollow

The empty hollow of hatred is full
Pregnant with fury,
A vacuum of life. 
Destructive in its expanse. 
The weight pulls my skin from these bones. 
What right have you, this feeling, to enslave the mind?
Captivate the thoughts. 
Emotions Hijacked. 
The action mind plays scenes of wreckage. 
Abandoned and stuck in your darkness. 
Time evades calculation. 
Lost in obsession. 
Hands tied. 
Feet bound. 
I cannot move forward. 
Trapped in a rage of the past. 
No change possible. 
The outcome has long been determined:
Helpless in the truth, 
The progeny of lies, 
The child of hurt,
The embryo of deceit. 
The weight of hate overwhelms,
The result is this heart cracked open. 

I want to know you, this hatred,
That which I have become. 
Look towards me. 
Does my face reflect yours?
In knowing you might I be released 
Or lured further into your darkness. 
The delicious seethe of poison. 
Wrath drips from your fangs, 
And my mouth salivates for one taste of your revenge. 
Intoxicated. 
Hate, you are my Heroin. 
Course through my veins. 
I resist and want more simultaneously. 
Addicted. 
Feed me your fuel, 
Let this empty hollow swell with fire. 
This is all I have left,
I own nothing anymore. 
My one ounce of control. 
Swept in deep pain,
Your poison is the antidote. 
Let me drink once more. 
Forever.  

11/20/2022

Fabric of Light

You have woven me thread by thread into you. 
We crisscross and over lap
Threads thin like spiders silk. 
Blue-light energy with neuron speed traverse their tangles. 
Every instant we grow outward and up, elongated and expanding. 
Each tendril made of pure love. 
Our fabric network of light reaches the endless, the undiscovered eternal black and lights it on fire. 
The shimmering fabric of love and light wrap across the galaxies and pull them in. 
Drenched with boundless gravity, 
a fisherman’s net dripping with constellations we are woven together;
We have captured every drop of star dust, every lovers memory;
An eternity of lightening,
An ocean of the first time you took my hand,
A black hole as deep as your gaze upon me. 
Grasp my threads and cinch me closer to you
So we may embrace eternity. 

10/21/2022

Priceless Gaze, Orchestra of Everything

You brought the forests to the desert and the stars to the ocean’s deep, requesting their presence. 
You summoned for the core of all Life
And whispered to Them a secret. 
No words shaped your request, as language is too finite. 
Instead you opened your ribcage and let them peer inside. 
Your heart unfurled and spoke to them the rhythm of fire, the sound of light. 

You begged of Them, 
“Bring her the gifts of your magic.”
You asked for Their hand in partnership,
that the ceremony would make her proud:
“Conspire with me and raise the call to all the living beings, the Elements, the Energies, the Four Directions themselves. 
Create with me the orchestra of everything and tie it with a silk. 
Bring to her unspeakable beauty, your magic will not be wasted.”
Arrangements of eternity hand-picked by all creation.
The moon will pull the tides and lay them at her feet.

Your heart song promised of a rising yet to come, 
the payment for Their willingness to give of all They have:
“For when her body is close to mine, 
when our hearts create a mirror. 
For an instant I’ll open my ribs again and let you look inside,
one glimpse of the light she shines on me,
one drop of its pure nectar;
The scent of the way she looks at me,
And your dedication to her smile will be sealed for eternity.”
Each day the oceans will search for its desert companion,
The stars will dive to the depths. 
The blades of grass, the leaves themselves will hurry one another along. 
“Come we must not miss the glimpse, one second of her song.”

Unaware the ocean could contain more tides,
I watched every meadow multiply.
The branches burst open with new leaves
Air molecules became saturated, so I drank in every breath. 

How did you beckon to the constellations?
Did you beg infinity to burst forth?
Pleased with your bouquet of endless expansion, I turn to you and smile, a firework inside my eyes. 
Our gaze is locked, 
The promise fulfilled:
you let Them look inside your heart,
and all around us the universe explodes with joy. 

10/07/2022

Black Flame

The flames grasp at the cold black night. 
No breeze. 
Sharp, cool air meets the boundary of the warm fire glow. 
An orb of opposites coming to meet, elements changing state.
The light a beacon from the dark. 
The dark an envelope for the light. 
Deep blackness changes shape like a photo negative with a heartbeat. 
Searing gold hues are swallowed by this night. 
The shapeshifters are mesmerizing. 
The dance is ancient, 
the beckon never fully answered. 
The boundary never broken. 
The secret affair, 
Where flame meets night. 

9/22/2022

Effortless Heart

Does the heart know that it is beating?
Do the cells form muscle and know their own power?
To create life-giving movement, 
the rush of blood that sustains life,
is the quality of Divine Creation.
Each second, every contraction driven by its only desire, to give life. 
The heart does not tire.
There is no time, only calculated rhythm. 
Effortless in its abandon to unending flow. 
Rich with purpose, yet lacking contemplation. 
The heart need only know it’s true calling, 
The answer to the yearning, 
The ease from the effort,
To vibrate out Love, Light & Life, 
until the heart realm ceases to exist. 

Does your heart know it’s beating. 
The cells of your heart muscle, do they know their power?
Your vibration has entrapped my own. 
The two hearts now share one purpose. 
I fear they should never be apart,
Lest this Divine dance of rhythms fall out of sync from its partner. 
If our hearts are not joined, surely they will collapse into rest, permanently still. 
Love, Light & Life will cease to exist. 
I beg, don’t end the universe yet. 
Let the cells do their heart work.
Stay close that I may hear our beats rise in my ears. 
Deafened by the flood,
Blinded with our light.
Left in the beaming flow of our garnet saturation. 
I am washed over by you, 
again and again. 
 
09/14/2022

Heart Swell

My heart has grown bigger, 
exploding full of bright light. 
Open and thriving, these qualities are mine. 

The heart can grow bigger, I did not know. 
The love encompasses, consumes and grows. 

The joy not contained as it rushes and pumps, circulates and moves.

radiates and swells. 

The qualities of the heart are opening to me, whispering their secret
My new knowledge is one petal in a rose garden, yet this understanding is deeper than any I have known. 
Fluctuating; giving and receiving. I Now understand why the heart pumps each beat , 
The push and the pull, the life force unending. 

8/30/2022

Timeless Thimble

You take me with you everywhere. 
Parts of me always travel with you. 
Pieces of my mind, my body & my spirit. 
You pluck petals from my heart and place them in your palm. 
A lock of my hair in the leaves of your book. 
A drop of my blood, 
the perfume of my sweat,
captured in a thimble;
It lays wrapped around your neck with a leather cord made of my desire for you. 
The witchcraft draws in both directions, 
each of us under a spell, 
magnetized beyond reason back to one another. 

You take me with you everywhere. 
In this thimble I could exist forever. 
You’re chest undulates, 
it is the rising and the setting sun.  
Your heartbeat is the thunder of a summer storm.  
The space inside my thimble is a galaxy, 
the deep vacuum of true love.  
Light years resting on your breastbone. 
A love with purity to bend dimensions of time.  
Let this dimension be timeless. 
I am always with you, riding your breath. 
You can feel me even now. 
We have invoked each other with one spell. 
The talisman of our love is the bent galaxy. 
The thimble holds our secrets. 
The contents are you and me. 

08/27/2022

Golden Sands

My gaze falls across the golden arches in my garden. 
Simple joy fills my heart as the morning sunlight yawns across the bright Moroccan metal. 
The reels of my imagination take me to undiscovered desert sands, 
sacred whispers drifting untamed across ancient dunes. 
The birds sing an exotic choir today. 
Gem-toned textiles flutter in the breeze. 
There is spice in the air. 
I am taken away with one glance. 

Unbroken Spell

You raise me up, as if floating on ocean waves to take my seat on the throne of our love. 
I sit perched on a pedestal of your devotion.  
The jewels of my crown are kisses placed when we make love. 
Adornments painted by your fingertips are the clasp above my breast. 
The heat from our bodies forms a cloak of velvet flowing over my shoulders. 
The gold staff I hold is the strength you give me to lead, etched with the sounds of your breath. 
You raise me up and I stand in the Great Hall of our eternity. 
Murals of animals cover the walls, tribes of beasts painted in our honor. 
You tell them I am Queen and they sense your heart is true. 
In awe of this union they leap from the tapestries and bow before me. 
You lay stars at my feet and oceans on the ceilings. 
The waves disobey gravity and lap at the air around me. 
Salt on my skin. 
You make me a Goddess of our world. 
The ruler of quaking bodies,
Empress of moaning vibrations, 
The Matriarch of our entwined souls. 
I bow to you, giver of this royalty. 
My secrets were sleeping before you, 
The spell was unbroken. 
You set me free into our Kingdom of pleasures and glories unknown. 

08/22/2022

Tidal Union

I bring my heart to the waters edge. 
Love vibration and gratitude beam forth with each beat.
Endless rolling waves rush towards me, 
every droplet a blessing of Divine Love. 
My heart saturated and overflowing, 
the waves return to the sea charged with my own light. 
Intertwined and mingling,
Rolling and rushing,
A perpetual ebb & flow. 
My heartbeat and the tidal rhythm of Spirit are in unison. 

08/21/2022

Inverted World

My love for you is infinitely deep,
I could write for eternity attempting to make words into shapes that might describe this explosion inside me. 
Fall short they always will. 
Words can do no justice. 
Language has failed me. 
Let me create a new world to express my love:
I want to dive into an abyss and paint the water molecules with lightening and fire so the black depths turn white-blue with electricity from my beating heart. 
I want to give you a gift the size of the Earth:
Let me plunge so far down that I reach to the core and grasp the fiery belly with the energy of my love for you. 
Ripped from its own center until the Earth is inside out, I will hand you a bouquet of underground volcanoes, and wrap us in the inverted planet. 
With the oceans and forest around us as a blanket, I will stare forever into your eyes, proud of my gift to you, enveloped in our own new world. 

08/19/2022

A Rising Shower

The rain wakes me as I open my eyes 
Unsure of the first sounds, I open my ears and then my eyes. 
The sun is flooding through the window, the rays have made their way through the clouds saturated with life-giving drops. 
One million blessings land on the ground outside my window, praise for the tiny miracles falls as fast from my lips. 
08/5/2022

Heritage Healing

I discovered through the healing process of recovery, it was heart-wrenching to watch my parents in their addictive behaviors.
Painful to see their struggle. 
Difficult to just be a child. 
Impossible to feel truly loved. 
I have learned I expected of them something they could not give, a freedom they did not possess. 
This realization opens space for me to remove my resentments, 
To gaze upon them with compassion, 
To have gratitude, that I can see the path of Love and Devotion, and it is bathed in Light.
To choose to do no more harm in this life.
To fill my own heart with Faith not fear,
And to surrender, again and again. 

07/29/2022

A Home Inside

Come in from out of the wilderness. 
Rest your tired feet, and you’re tired heart. There is Beauty in our chaos, but out there it is just pain. 
Together we can bring the beauty forward, and shed the layers of of pain;
We can Bring down the walls that we have built up over all these years. 

Come in from out of the wilderness. 
Rest your tired feet. 
There is a home here amongst us and it yearns for the home in your heart. 
We are connected through our pain and we can heal together. 

Come in from out of the wilderness. 
Let your true self shine. 
Take your seat at the circle of healing,
Let your voice be heard, and let your pain be loud. 
Together we can quiet the roaring and awaken the gentleness that has been asleep. 

Come in from out of the wilderness. 
And know you are not alone. 

07/23/2022

Morning Miracle

Softly I emerge from a cocoon of slumber. 
Gently I come towards a tiny light. 
Stretching the body unfurls into movement. 

Before the eyes squint I sense a softness all around me;
Warmth where my bones lay,
Coolness on my skin. 

Birds weave songs in the trees outside.
Bees of The Invisible are steadfast at work. 
A stare of devotion from fur-rimmed black eyes, 
Her wet nose rests patiently on my pillow, 
a loyal beast awaits me. 

I am moved from a dream state to open potential. 
Freshly I meet a brand new day. 
The brain categorized and rested has created new space;
Muscles rejuvenated, new cells have grown. 
Sleep is a gift and I am renewed each night. 

The birthing seconds of this rising and many blessings are received. 
The miracle was waiting for me again: 
I open my eyes and I am free. 

7/22/2022

Divine Union Rising

My thoughts today are ones of gratitude. 
For the beauty that is all around me. 
For the breeze that brushes past my skin. 
The sun that dances through the leaves and gently warms my cheeks. 
The birds singing to one another in the early morning. 
The softness that surrounds me as I wake up and rise to meet the day. 
I can see the divine and everything; the hand of creation has painted an entire universe that I am a part of. 
As I sit in the midst of all of this grandeur I pause to ask myself, how do I show up? 
How do I contribute to this pallet of colors, this alive and vibrating existence. 
Do I meet the Divine and create in the ways that I am capable? 
Can I soak up this beauty so much so that it overflows? 
Can I remember God in everything? 
Can I meet the beauty of creation with the deepest and most open of hearts. 
Can I honor my own capacity for creation, which is through honoring, expanding and releasing love all around me?

Today I show up .:: I connect. Today I love. Today I remember God-like qualities. 
Today, right now in this moment… I am in Union  with the Divine.  

07/21/2022

Memories of The Future

I lay on my back, eyes wide open
Yet I cannot perceive the space in front of me, my vision glazes over. 
Instead the wall is a movie projector screen of 
mental images. 

My thoughts float on waves of memories. 
Flashes of moments spent in movement, 
Walking and learning about one another;
Glimpses of laughter;
Secrets whispered;
Remembrances of an old life we chose to relive so we might know each others pain. 

Our bodies become one as I review of our history, rewind and play again. 
A daydream of Us as we merge into sharing one shape. 

Mouths. 
Tongues. 
Fingertips. 
Eyes locked. 
Lips brush past ears
You kiss my neck. 
My nose grazes your abdomen,
I kiss your chest. 

I lose track of time. 

If time ceased to exist in those original moments, how can I bring time into the recollection of these memories. 
If time is a measure let it not be a second, let it be a heartbeat. 
I can lose myself in the rhythm of your life force coursing through your veins, pumping life into your body. 
This is the only timekeeping I know now. 
 
I stare into the screen of our intimacy,
I dive deep into its well. 
In this dimension I have gained a new vision. 
I close my eyes and see with my heart, the projector inside my eyelids. 

I now see Memories of the future. 
These images cannot be written nor spoken. 
They are too vast and to utter them would confuse this existence. 
Gravity would change form;
Colors would change shape;
Mass would cease to exist. 
The universe would turn inside itself to know the beauty of our unmade memories. 

This Truth can only be known by the Divine. 
Yet I have a gift:
I was given the map, the tether to follow like a child on a string. 
My heart intuition, my love for you, 
in the depths of my soul lies the foreshadowing. 

When our hearts fall into sync, and the heartbeat of time falls into sync with Us, we have the language, the cipher and the key to the infinite memories of the future. 

07/22/2022

Majestic Union, Earth Court

You bring me to an opening. 

In the sun-setting heat we walk until the path turns down. 
Dirt becomes shale, smooth from time. 
Quiet bends into a rushing, an open harmony of water movement. 
Charcoal-hued rocks shape the waters path; 
They are warm on my skin, cold water laps at my feet. 
Stone walls rise up around us; trees line the bowl the rapids run through. 
We are framed in this Earthscape, bathed in hot sun, made dizzy by waters movement. 
None of it as deep, as hot, as bright or encompassing as the blood coursing through my body, vibrant with the energy of Us.

I am on fire. 

I must become movement as well. 

I am called to Salute the Sun. 

My spirit yearns to make the body into shapes that honor this moment. 

You brought me to an opening. 

Can I balance with this heartbeat in my ears, on this stone that you sat me down on. 
Can I make the shape of a Dancer amidst deafening water movement. 

I must, for We created this moment…

The water was still before we arrived, the trees not yet grown, the rock not yet formed. 
This magnetism of love, energetic explosions, bodies and hearts, lungs and bones, trees and rapids…they come together to create ‘Us’. 
They bend and bow, roar and swell, grow and expand. 
This landscape weeps for the inception of ‘Us’.

We are now home, united again. 
Souls ferried back to one another by all of existence. Every droplet, every pine needle, each grain of sand conspired for us to fall in love on this rock. 
“Remember your Majesty” they whisper. They tell us we were once Royal in our love. 
We wear no robes nor crowns, yet we are Majestic in our reunion. 
Invisible cloaks felt through our shared vibrations, known only by Us and our court of Earth witnesses. 
I balance as a dancer to honor this moment. We have returned finally to the throne of the heart, to each other. 

07/19/2022

Thread the Heart

I’ll bring you a needle forged from meteorite; 
a spool of thread spun from lightening. 

Close your eyes. 
A pin prick over your heart. The thread is set, the sacred knot is tied. 

Face me. 
Weave the thread through my heart now. 
A blood droplet slides down the silk. 
I will be your ceremony. 
Let my body be your altar. 

We walk the Earth streaming lightening threads, which cover the world that is now ours. 
Each place we have been: every canopy walked under, every root walked over;
each sunset and each moonrise has formed a great web of electricity from our hearts. 
Each burst of laughter from me to you explodes into light, into the web. 
Each beat of my heart when you’re near sends vibrations along its surfaces. 
Our energy flies like neurons along the invisible threads. 

This is a new cosmos being formed, of Love Light vibration. 
We are the architects. 
Constellations of joy take shape;
Star clusters of our laughter;

The web of Heart threads surround us, blinding bright energy, taught yet flowing;
Delicate yet strong. 
Follow them back to the source: one thread,
two hearts sewn with the needle of timeless connection. 
Across all existence I’ll always find you,
I’ll follow my thread back home to your chest, 
The vibrations known, the heartbeats are my own. 

7/11/2022

Crack Open

Shed the layers of old behaviors and fear;
Stand naked at the shore of Transformation;
Dip your toes into the soft waters with willingness and introspection;
Crack your heart open,
see a galaxy of stars floating from deep within you to the Source. 
Feel the pull of Divine Union;
The stars twinkle to a rhythm, 
it is your heartbeat. 

04/7/2022

Sunset heart

My heart is wide open, pulsing in all directions, I can hear the rhythm in my ears. 
The sun glow reaches to the cells of my beating heart muscle;
Vibrating the cells reach back to the sun. 
Union. 
The sky is on fire in my heart. 

July 2022

Living Flame

Take my hand and lead me into the cool calm forest. 
The canopy is Victorian lace; 
branches are woven threads, 
leaves create delicate patterns. 
Sunlight squints through and touches the mud floor. 
I’ll follow you to the place where the once buried roots are now upside down and a waterfall is on fire. 

06/07/2022

One Tree

I stand under this one tree, one of millions. 
This mammoth of life, structure of home, framework for so many to dwell. 
Giver of oxygen. 
Provider of shade. 
Orchestra of wind. 
May my roots grow a fraction as deep as yours;
May my branches bend with ease;
May I learn to saturate with the Light of Creation, churn it through my heart center and beam it back out as you do the air filling my lungs. 
Ancient Ancestor. May I forever be humbled under your dancing shadows. 
July 2022

Morning Prayers

The day is fresh and newborn. 
I walk to the window, inhaling I open its panes as I open my heart. 
A thousand doves fly out of my chest carrying prayers of love, cinched with ribbons of gratitude. 
I watch as they fly across the sunrise sky. 
Seeds of hope and rebirth flutter from their wings to land on the ground. 
Nourished by Divine Sunlight, tended by commitment to see them grow…
by devotion and surrender. 
Soar gracefully little prayer doves, flourish little seeds, remain in Union with Creation. 

07/21/2022

Ink Well, Speechless Love

I could write the unfolding history of our love until the ink well runs dry; until the fibers of papyrus are saturated with ebony. 
Volumes filled with etchings and characters of languages yet discovered. 
Scrolls of calligraphy encoded with our secret,
Fastened with an invisible lock the shape of my heart, the key the shape of you. 

Yet all the languages of man do not hold syllables nor vowels enough to construct a description for what is happening in my heart. 
Feelings are not sufficient. 
Descriptions inadequate. 

There is a Universe inside me, galaxies vibrating, connected by threads of light from my being to yours; they are white hot in the center of my chest and I know you feel what I feel…
Electricity. 

Can it be that we have always felt the same experiences across time & space. Yet now there is no distance, no separation…
Connection.

This Love is as full as the darkness inside my closed eyes; As deep as an abyss. Each thought of ‘Us’, the magnitude of Dark Matter…
Unending. 

We continue to expand like the universe. My skin might burst, My human body might explode into pure Light…
Expansive. 

If I don’t explode, let me melt into you. Let every part of my evolution be yours to know; every pain, every sorrow, every memory, every joy that brought me back to this place…
Home. 

To You. 

07/07/2022

Morning Glory

Let me climb like a Morning Glory to the top of this steeple and set my face to the sun. 
Freedom beams out clear as this bell in the tower of joy, along this vine of Divine creation. 
Let me not waste another second in slumber but rise to meet this day. 
As the morning glory outstretches, ready to receive nourishment’s gifts, I unfold to accept. 
I saturate in meditation, become satiated in prayer then pour the gifts out; fragrances of love, colors of devotion, pollen grains of gratitude on every breath. 

07/01/22

Sand Storm

Bring me the ocean wind, a gust as wide as the horizon
Let it lift every grain of sand from this beach so that each granule becomes weightless in suspension. 
Blot out the sun. 
Blanket the earth. 
Let the volume of air be dense as the water below it. 
The River of flowing sand sweeps across the oceans, swarming like bees across the continents. Great land masses lost in the waves of liquid sand, beach now sky-bound. 
A sand storm blankets the globe. 

7/11/2022

Untitled

It has taken me 856 days to see clearly that I am going to heal from The Storms. It has taken me 371 days to see that maybe one day I can heal from my fathers death, but just not yet. But it only took me nine days into the New Year to realize I am done taking shit from people who are hurtful and only drag me backwards in life...no projected date on how long it will take to heal from the last life storm. Stay strong. Vigilant. I’m certain there is more bad than good out there. 

1/10/2020

Run Away

There is no way to cure this heart. 
I cant stop remembering. 
I cant stop trying to forget. 
As far as i think i am, 
The terrain, the humans, the beauty and tragedy.
They well up like a fissure at times I'm not prepared for. 
I thought leaving would make a difference, make it go away...I was wrong.

12/28/2019

Untitled: Loss

It comes and it goes.; 
The fear, a sense of loss, yet at times achievement. 
The depression. 
The longing for before. Whatever that distant past was. 
Now, We are abundant in difficulty yet punctuated by strength. Abundant in unity as well. 
Those of us who stayed. 
The moments of clarity. 
The Push. 
This forged 'We'. 
And the tears they are finally released. Not surviving anymore, we redefined how to thrive.
We didnt cry before, we focused. 
After it all, the salt it slides down proud faces. 
It has come time for the heavy weight of the truth; we are going to live through this. 
To release and let the emotions come, 
To let gravity drag the tired bones of the survivor down. If but for a moment. 
These tears, in concert with the nature that we now bow down to, are ushered across the laughter of survival. 
It is We. It is beautiful. 

We release the pain through hard work for one another. A united community had moved me beyond fear or sadness and beauty emerges. 
We release in our shared experience. 
Thriving, we can find rebirth. 
It is We who have survived. 
May our small salty tears that saturate new ground honor the past and feed the fuel; this is our rebuilding. 

8/20/2018

Untitled

I have forgotten who i am, my timeless soul, the core of my spirit. The huge transition of moving here and leaving my old life to take this leap was enough to set this into motion what  the complete destruction of the storms plunged me in to, the depths of despair, and im only now seeing the light. Light of my soul. Light of the universe. The light that cannot be created nor destroyed by loss or wind. 

2018

Untitled: After The Storms

 [St. Thomas beachside after The Storms]
The roar of the ocean is so loud from the top of the mountain  It fills the spaces below. Yet above there is an infinite mass of darkness, with equal depth, punctuated by light, it is a luminescent sky. Upside down in the different hemispheres, the splinters of light shine as if from a mirror. 
More than the sound of the watery blackness is the gravity, the pull and the push of what is that sound. 
It is still black on this island. It is dark in it’s sad hurtful ways. The darkness is what made us find the truth in this deep dark volcano in the heart of the ocean. When it all went quiet and all light was lost. This is the joy of the ocean heartbeat and the vastness of the Star shadows. 
Still haunted to this day by the silence and the dark, the rhythm of the ocean; yet when the tidal rhythm of my lungs finds its pace with the wave rhythm, I find solace in the dark movement and the flickering light above. 

5/8/2019

Insanity – Keep Sweeping

For a time sweeping water became our new thing. 
I called it my new hobby, moving around the water that was inside what used to be my house. 
I was efficient to wear running clothes because they dried easily, even though we stayed wet for weeks.
We tried to move the water out of the living room.
But it just kept raining through the open-air living room, no ceiling.
Rain for weeks after the first storm. 
Then, the second storm. 
There is a quality of insanity to it all.
We would work so hard to push the water out and dry out the items we thought we might save.
As soon as we were done with hours of work, it's raining again. 
It seems in hindsight I got into classic survival mode. 
A post-apocalyptic scenario.
I'm pushing earth and water through a house that has no roof while living out of my car. 
That was the job, lacking any control, we had purpose. 

12/04/2017