After all I have been through and all I have seen, all of the beautiful lessons on this spiritual path, I ask myself this question. What are the lessons for if not to share from the heart with others? The truth is, life gets busy when we get sober and we get well. It has been my experience that when I started to be in alignment with the Flow of Life, opportunities came rushing in. My mind was clear, my body able, my energy uplifted and vibrant. I felt called to answer a life purpose that suddenly laid out in front of me. Resultingly, I found myself very busy all the time. With little space to give nurturing energy to the humans in my life. Those tender relationships that make life worth living. Afterall, isnt spiritual growth meant to connect us back to our hearts and our true self so we can shine that Divine Love back to the people in our life and community?

The Paradox

A life lived well is often characterized by how much we have achieved and how many things we have acquired. This facade of accomplishment the Capitalist way sells us, and we buy it, completely. Or at least I did. Especially for a person who was suffering inside, to make the outside appear perfect was a game plan. Even if it was subconscious. As I speak with others in recovery and in my spiritual circles, I find this to be common. Filling the void with stuff. In my case I then found myself filling my life with good things, honest healthy and grounded practices, but nonetheless these were just other things.

Our Greatest Gift

I walked my neighborhood on this beautiful evening as the summer sun set reflecting on Love. I am presented with the ever-challenging subject of the heart, of love and relationships. I am eager to open my heart and share this life with others and with another person. In partnership. Yet everyone is so busy. I am guilty of this myself. So consumed that we cannot find time for the simplest and most profound Gift we are given. In my eyes this is the ability to share and love deeply. How have we gotten so far from that which is our birthright? My open and willing heart aches with the emptiness left with lack of connection. Human connection is imperative for survival. We are mammals and we need one another. But that is not the story we have bought into.

A Life Worth Living

I don’t want to live out the days I have left on this earth alone on my meditation cushion. Peaceful and grounded solo on my yoga mat. Volumes of ancient texts swirling inside my mind with no one to share them with. Theories. Theologies. Lessons. Teachings. Wisdom. Seeds planted through this human’s walk, growing roots without the sunshine of love. I think we get caught in the rhetoric, the aesthetic, the technicality of spirituality and we miss the forest through the trees. These teachings were always meant to grow our capacity for love, for Divine Love and to beam it out from our very center. My heart is so full that ironically in this moment I am also deeply saddened.

To Love Fearlessly

Unlike my usual solution-based, action-oriented state of mind. I do not have the answer. Since I began, to my best effort, living a life based in Faith not fear, my only offering is the love I have. My vow to myself and to those whom I am blessed to call community, is to love fearlessly. To show up in the way I am speaking of here. To hold space for the difficulties and the joy, the pain and the beauty. But to make space for it as well. To make the time. To create not just poetry and art. But to create space for love to come in and make itself at home. This is my greatest act of creation. One that takes effort. I find that to just be present with others, with another, is uncommon and requires dedication. I hope that the space I create will be shared again and again through laughter and tears. I hope that we don’t find ourselves in the last breaths reflecting on the things that never mattered and how they pushed out the good stuff. The squishy moments, the unforgettable memories that can never be replaced. Let that be my prayer tonight and particularly on the days when I think one more calendar appointment will finally make me a successful human. The Sufis say, ashk olsun (may it be love).

In Love, with Love,

Vanessa