June 7, 2025

Transformation

The recovery work, spiritual deep dives and trauma therapy are in full flow now. After many months of internal reflection and painful growth I have crawled out from depression and overwhelm. I now sit at a vantage point. The observer of my own experience. How absolutely gorgeous that things are unfolding for me, with me, in unison with Creation. I am in a flow state. Heart-centered. Love-centric. I feel so alive. I am unaffraid in ways that may be brand new. The work that I have been devoted to is alive inside me, surrounding me and exuding from me. Major shifts have taken place on cosmic, life-long levels and I can feel it in my cells.

This all may seem rather epic in my descriptions. Yet words will always fall short of describing these life changing circumstances. From my experience, those who live devoted to a spiritual life gain ever deeper layers of knowing. They expand their self-knowledge. I see these as gifts placed on the mantle of our heart. Not just for me, but I am blessed to witness others expansion. We are, however, only ready for the opening when the time is right. When the preparation has been done, and most importantly when willingness and surrender are welcomed in.

Everything in my life is weaving together into the fabric of healing relationships. Beginning all the way back from childhood right up until this very moment. From the most ancient to the most fresh and new. I am mindfully working to use my highest heart-mind to assess the reality of these new gifts.

When one endeavors to look back into the past at the failings of relationships, the mirror can be terrifying. This process for me aims to learn, atone, and set things right. If we can make it past the ego-bruising, the relief sure does feel good. Everything I ever needed was always right here. We need only be present and willing to see with open eyes. The profound revelations about how much fear and the resulting control annihilated so many relationships. These are strong today. But when revealed from the light of a relationship inventory process, they are not wrought with regret nor shame. Just loving acceptance and the eagerness to do something different.

With love and Divine Creation in my heart it feels from where I sit that every opportunity is available, the soil fertile, for loving partnership to arise. What is impacting me is the complexity of human experience. Healing lessons centered around love, trust and the awareness of fear as the destroyer.

Vantage Point

Today, it was revealed to me that receiving my diagnoses had a nuanced result. It unleashed my intuition. It also helped me identify my gifts. To begin to know my powers. Power is an impactful word that can be misconstrued so let me be clear. I remain humbly powerless over much of life. This is not the power I speak of. The neurocomplex gifts that I am now starting to understand hold power. I believe that these are skills when given the appropriate space to breathe. Hypersensitivity is a gift to feel and sensate everything more fully. It is beautiful. My experience of the external world is magnificent. On days where I am nurtured in my special sensitivities, it feels like I can hear, smell and sense everything. It is a world of rich textures and colors for my mind to sift through. On days when i am not well-sourced in my needs, it is pure overwhelm. So, I am learning. I am learning to love my brain and how I perceive the world. I am coming into this realm of self-knowledge. I have clearly stepped out of the old stories of lack and unlovability. I continue the healing with healthy conscious choices in relationships. These muscles are new and still stretching. What began as self-identification with unknown developmental disabilities has morphed into identification with giftedness. My powers of perception, intuition and love are becoming stronger because of the work. I am concurrently finally releasing fear.

My Agreements

I am healing in new ways, not necessarily “happy, joyous & free’ always. There is an undercurrent of pain, but I am looking towards it with bravery and courage. I am held, loved and supported. I am gaining happiness and health. This right here is the tough stuff. But I am okay. Shedding. Growing. Stretching. Reforming new skin. Not tougher skin. NEW skin. Softer and more resilient. New skin, new era, new chapter.

I am capable of so much love. Such immense love. Not driven by fear. Not barricaded by the past, nor control. I have so much love to give and receive.

I will remain aware of rising fear when it comes.

I will remember my evolution and wholeness, my emerging truth at is reveals itself.

This unfurling is righteous and beautiful, a lifetime (or many) in the making.

I will remain unbothered by the rules and regulations of the neurotypical world as it affects my own well-being. I am finding the ability to create boundaries and not let in harmful mindset, people or programs.

I am inside a transformation. I am transforming. I will continue to listen to my heart, my intuition and go within. This heart has not led me astray yet. It is the mind that leads with fear.

I am calling in co-creation and partnership from my highest self, my most compassionate heart, from the ancient wisdom passed down to me. Everything good from my family lineage, no longer just the burdens.

I am incredibly grateful. Full of Love, Hope and Awe.

These agreements are uttered into the ethers as a reminder for myself, or a seed planted for anyone who is searching for their own agreements, love letters to oneself as you walk the path of healing.

Ashk olsun – May it be Love,

Vanessa